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What I’ve Learned From Being A Cop For 25 Years:
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By K.E. Johnson

1) Many Mothers would lie to Jesus Christ himself

to keep their sons out of jail.

2) Thugs will always use their momma’s address no

matter where they live. (See above)

3) A thug will always be a thug unless they have some divine intervention.

4) Spouses are proud of their cop spouse but they

don’t like the fact that they have to work

nights, weekends, and holidays. I guess they think we do.

5) Marijuana is the drug of choice for the majority of drug users.

6) Many indigent people have no problem raising bail money.

7) Women that are receiving government assistance are very fertile.

8) A cop in uniform can make the most innocent person nervous.

9) The worst drivers are the ones whose license

is already suspended for failing to pay traffic tickets.

10) Kids want attention and they need a daddy.

11) Bad kids normally don’t have a daddy in their life.

12) People tie dogs up to a tree in the backyard and forget about them.

13) You can find out just about anything about somebody if you just ask them.

14) Young cops use their physical skills to solve problems.

15) Seasoned cops use their knowledge and wisdom to solve problems.

16) Just about anybody will cooperate if you just treat them with respect.

17) Some people refuse to let you treat them with respect.

18) Cops are some of the most interesting people I know.

19) Criminals are more interesting.

20) Cops are injured more playing church softball than on duty.

21) Knees are the first thing to go.

22) Many people will marry a cop and then try to

talk them into getting out of law enforcement.

23) Most cops who leave the job eventually come

back, but without the spouse that talked them

into getting out of law enforcement.

24) Hamburgers are awesome when you haven’t had

anything to eat for most of your shift.

25) Fast food puts on the pounds quick … and

cause heartburn … but it taste awesome.

26) Riding in a patrol car with all that gear on

wreaks havoc on your lower back.

27) Chiropractors really do help back pain … and headaches.

28) Female cops do not get the respect they deserve.

29) Cops really do want to make a difference when

they become a cop but soon become jaded and cynical.

30) Judges will start court when they get damn well ready to.

31) People don’t mind staring at a cop.

32) People will walk up to a cop that’s eating

lunch and say "I don’t mean to interrupt your

lunch, but can I ask you a question?"

33) Most cops don’t mind being interrupted while

they are eating lunch if the person asking the question is good looking.

34) It’s easy for sorry people to get disability benefits.

35) Genuinely disabled people have a tough time getting benefits.

36) You cannot reason with a drunk person.

37) Drunk people will ask you repeatedly, "What are you charging me with?"

38) No matter how fair you are, cops will always be viewed as racist.

39) Some people hate cops simply because they wear a uniform.

40) Some people love cops simply because they wear a uniform.

41) Detectives think patrol officers are stupid.

42) Patrol officers think detectives are (expletive deleted).

43) People will leave anything in their car while

it’s running parked at a convenience store, including babies.

44) People that leave their cars running while

they go inside convenience stores are always

shocked when their cars get stolen.

45) Men will beat their wives and when they are

being hauled off to jail they’ll say, "I would

never do anything to hurt you, baby."

46) Abused women often feel like they did something wrong.

47) Controlling men seek out women that always

feel like they did something wrong.

48) People don’t mind coming to a cop’s house to ask them question.

49) Cop’s kids love the fact that their Dad/Mom

is a cop until they reach their teen years.

50) Sometimes, parents do everything right when

raising their kids, but their kids turn out bad anyway.

51) You can show someone a video of them

committing a crime, match their prints and DNA to

the scene, and they will still deny it.

52) Pepper spray works on just about everybody.

53) If you have used pepper spray on somebody and

it didn’t work, be ready for one helluva fight.

54) If you just tell somebody that you have a Taser, they will usually comply.

55) When the fight is on, all of the techniques

you learned with a PR-24 go out the window and

you use it like the old fashion billy club anyway.

56) Most thugs will answer "Where do you live?" with "Up da skreet."

57) A mad woman will tell you where their baby’s

daddy’s weed/guns/stolen stuff is to get them

arrested and then will bail them out the next day.

58) When some cops make sergeant they feel that

they shouldn’t have to do anymore police work

because they need to "be ready" if something big

happens that requires their supervision.

59) Police agencies don’t communicate enough with each other to solve crime.

60) A very small percentage of people take up a

large percentage of the police’s time.

61) Cops and nurses like each other.

62) Husbands of women cops normally can’t handle

the fact that their wife is a cop, so a woman cop

would be better off to just marry another cop.

63) People will ask a cop for his/her opinion on

a legal issue and then want to argue with them about their opinion.

64) People will call 911 for ANYTHING.

65) I never bothered to learn how much time a

suspect could get for a certain crime because

they almost never get sentenced to the full amount anyway.

66) I’m always suspicious of a stranger that suddenly wants to be my friend.

67) Your average person is extremely complacent

and very vulnerable to being victimized.

68) Law enforcement has one of the highest rates

of divorce, but that’s who people call to handle their domestic disputes.

69) Nothing brings production in the investigator

cubicle area to a screeching halt quicker than

the mention of last night’s sporting event.

70) You shouldn’t make light of another man’s misfortune.

71) I’ve asked every parent of good kids what

they did to keep them out of trouble and got the

same answer every time: "Keep them busy."

72) A cop that writes a ticket to everybody he

stops usually has some self-esteem issues.

73) Fear keeps people from doing the right thing.

74) The "mob mentality" will make otherwise law-abiding people behave as thugs.

75) Apathy is way too common in our society.

76) If cops only knew what other cops know, we

could reduce crime better than what we are doing.

We DO NOT communicate well with each other, and

some believe that knowledge is power if it’s

withheld. Knowledge is only powerful when disseminated.

77) There is nothing more exciting than hunting for a fugitive on the run.

78) There are THREE sides to every story. One

side, then the other side, then there’s the whole truth.

79) The only thing that shocks me anymore is ELECTRICITY!

Loved everyone one of those. Everyone of them true!!! Just from what I read we need more like this one! Thank you for 25 long years of service and let me tell you that things are different than they were 25 years ago and seem to be getting worse!! BE SAFE!!!!
Posted by Floundering at 10/12/2013 11:14:39 AM

This is great.
Posted by Dan Beto at 10/12/2013 12:38:06 PM

I didn't spend as much time in public service as you have but I certainly agree with everything you've said, and I would like to see all law enforcement instructors include your list as part of their course.
Posted by santafetxjim at 10/12/2013 12:49:43 PM

You nailed it Brother! Dead on! And number 80....When parents are out in public with their children and point to us and say "If you don't behave that policeman is going to take you to jail!" Great job Mom now whenever your child really needs help we"ll be the last person he seeks help from! For all he/she knows is that we"ll take them to jail!
Posted by Ironside at 10/12/2013 1:25:19 PM

Some kids are just bad, Daddy or not. I've experienced bad kids with both parents, too.
Posted by dtruth at 10/12/2013 1:26:43 PM

What I've learned after 24 years of being a policeman.
You can't trust some people, even some policeman.
Go ahead and insult me, I don't care, I've lived it.
Posted by Steve Hubbell at 10/12/2013 1:39:44 PM

Posted by Pam matranga at 10/12/2013 2:52:08 PM

Entering my 49th year of law enforcement, and have seen examples of all the statements above. One of my favorite actions was: Around dawn one Saturday morning, I drove upon a vehicle in a ditch in a rual area. Got the male teenager, high school jock, out of the car. The kid stood about 6'5" and had to be close to 275lbs, found out his home address and drove him to the "very nice" neighborhood where he lived with his parents. After beating on the door for awhile, the dad came to the door (he was bigger than his son), in his robe, and asked what I meant by waking him up at this ungodly hour. I simply stated that his son had been drinking and I was bringing him home. When dad stated "My son would not do that!" I turned the son around and put him in the back seat of my unit, as I backed out of the drive, dad knocks on my window and asked "what are your doing?" I replied that since the teen told me he lived here and you said your son would not do such a thing, I was taking this lying hulk to the station, and proceeded to drive away. About 45 mins later mom and dad show up at the station to get their son. I released him without charges and NEVER had to deal with him again.
Posted by Kraut at 10/12/2013 4:29:45 PM

After almost 40 years of being a law enforcement agent for one department, I agree with all Mr. Johnson states above.
Reference to Kraut's experience I've had similar reactions by parents of intoxicated children, but I've never taken a drunk home. My simple reason for not doing so is that on more than one occasion the officer who took the young person home, and left them there, or took them home before taking them to jail put themseles in a very liabel position. Have seen results such as parents accusing the officer of abuse, and claimed their child was not intoxicated, etc., so I just jailed them. That way there would be no argument. now, many of them politically had the charges dropped, but I've never apologized for my actions and I slept well. In more than one situation I have seen the person end up killing themselves or others in murder/accidents. One was given a ticket on his return from college, after my partner didn't give him a ticket. The young man reminded us how important his father was politically. The next day, his picture was plastered on the front page of the local paper. He had crashed the night before and was dead because he was intoxicated. He'd told me he was not going to pay the ticket I'd given him. I suppose he was right. Never saw anything about the ticket I'd given him around noon of the day before. His parents never contacted me either.
Posted by Docmo at 10/14/2013 9:53:25 AM

Luved this post, BIG TIME. Also all the comments.
Posted by Billie at 10/14/2013 10:44:06 AM

I was alson a copy 40 years ago and we routinely gave drunks a ride home if they were not our everynight, falling down drunk winos who had reserved cells in our jails. But when we could help someone, we did. In those days we didn't even know what political correctness was, we didn't worry about being sued. We policed our neighborhoods tough but kind. We help people we could and arrested those who wouldn't let us help them. Today's cops are so caught up in rules, regulations, department policies, politically minded police chiefs with their own personal agenda, they can't be real cops and do their job like it should be done.
I liked it better in the old days when cops were respected instead of feared and regarded as non humans.
Posted by Old Cop at 10/14/2013 10:46:48 AM

Oh my goodness ... this is so true, so accurate! 100% on target!!
Posted by nameless at 10/14/2013 1:31:02 PM

After almost 35 years of this, I, too have seen all of the above. I do miss the days when we could really do our jobs and POLICE our beats without worry of political correctness. I have taken many drunks home simply because I felt my time was better spent making sure that the crooks saw my cruiser and went somewhere else to do their crimes.
Posted by envirocop58 at 10/16/2013 3:23:58 PM

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